


The Undivided (old)

by xXWormXx



Category: Christian Bible, Christian Bible (Old Testament), Sefer Shmuel | Book of Samuel
Genre: Angst, Backstory, Bible, Brotherly Love, Childhood, Crown, Daddy Issues, Evil dad, Father-Son Relationship, Fatherly Love, Fighting, Friendship, Jealous King - Freeform, Jewish Jonathan, Love, Mother-Son Relationship, Multi, Princes, Promises, Royalty, Saul kind of has a backstory for some reason, Toxic Relationship, Tragedy, War, bad dad, battles, dead mother - Freeform, envy - Freeform, good dad, kings - Freeform, old story, posting this because why not, this is an old story lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:49:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28676967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXWormXx/pseuds/xXWormXx
Summary: For years, Saul and his son, Jonathan, lived in the comfort of their home like any other family in the town of Gibeah without worry. That is until the prophet Samuel came to anoint Saul king over Israel with Jonathan taking the task as Israel's first prince. He exceeds the determination to do everything as best as he could while his father dwells in the shadows of his kingship and his past. As son and father, they both made promises to stay at each other's side no matter what situation they face. But as time goes by, challenges and conflicts sprout in their way, questioning if they truly loved each other undivided.
Relationships: David | Dāūd/Sha'ul | Saul, David | Dāūd/Yehonatan | Jonathan, Saul | Sha'ul/Yehonatan | Jonathan
Kudos: 4





	1. Asked For

**Author's Note:**

> Note: THIS IS AN OLD STORY I MADE A WHILE BACK
> 
> Before I get into what this is all about, allow me to clarify why I'm posting if this is so old. So yeah, when I first started writing fics about people, I decided to write the relationship between Saul and Jonathan based on the verse quoting "And in their death they were not divided" in 2 Samuel 1:23 with David's lament. I never truly finished this but I've always wanted to post this story somewhere ever since then. I wrote an entire outline of the story and no matter how many times I read over the story itself and its outline, I'll admit, it's pretty rough and it could use a rewrite. I'm planning to rewrite this someday.
> 
> I find the pacing in the story, especially the beginning, very quick and bland. While rereading the manuscript, I caught a lot of grammatical errors and very poorly written scenes. Jonathan as the protagonist of this story, in my opinion, he as bland as a cracker without the salt. He is BORING until I get to the part where the perspective changes to Saul, and I find his POV entertaining. As for Jonathan's juicy love for David, yeah sorry, that is barely touched in this story except for Jonathan's first meeting with David in the beginning which I find cute. Note that I was younger than I am now when I began writing stories for fun.
> 
> Overall, I posted the story just for those who are interested in an interpretation of Saul's relationship with his son since their relationship doesn't receive much depth into their emotions for each other. I can imagine the pain Jonathan knots himself in a tangle of loyalties he has to choose with Saul as the father wanting what he thinks is best for his son out of his own desires.
> 
> If you like this story, that's great! Seriously, I would be very pleased even if this story is old. I still love the concept of the relationship presented here, and that is why I wish to rewrite this someday. Even though filled with many flaws, there are some scenes in the story I still like and would be delighted to keep in my rewrite.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the story. Tell me what you think of it! Make fun of it, crap on it, praise it, I don't care! 😌 💕 This story is old.
> 
> *And also, I do not wish for any sorts of criticism since the story has aged and I've improved over the years. But I will accept any criticism of my other stories being compared to this one*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh Jonathan, I didn’t mean to frighten you.” He smiled and placed his hand beneath his son’s smooth chin. “I was only teasing; I would never leave you alone out here after dark.” He lifted his chin upward and gazed into his wide eyes mixed with wonder and fear. Warmth of glee showered him as he held out his other hand to stroke his soft, young hair.
> 
> Jonathan’s gaze squinted when he lift his tiny nose near his father’s feathery beard. “Father, will you ever, I mean ever, leave me feeling confused and alone out of hate?”
> 
> Saul, astonished from his question, drew him closer and placed both of his hands on his cheeks. “Of course not, we are together as one.” He squatted down and embraced him. “You are my son, and there shall be no division between us, Jonathan.”

* * *

_There are stories told and untold. Some forgotten and left in the dust and some discarded for unworthy reasons. Many see but a fracture of one and are blind to the whole tale. Indeed, such things have been done to man for many generations which I can assure you it shall run forever. And then there are stories men have observed and wondered and put their own thoughts in. I know many around me I have observed and wished for more. I can make but assumptions as a fool who tramples after the goods he is impetuous about. No, I can only tell from what I've observed and heard with careful ears. The secrets of a story will take its course, but I am a vessel to my own narrative._

_I am grieved._

_I am distressed._

_I must let out the rubble in my heart and face the story secret to the ones part of it._

* * *

In the break of dawn, the hilly land glowed from the warm, cordial sunlight showering the sands and stones of Israel. Sparrows broke into song while the morning doves cooed in the scattered cypress trees. Eagles and hawks aroused with their screeches and cries whom are ready to go out on their hunt to feed their young. The soft, desert breeze beyond Beersheba passed through the small land of Benjamin and across the golden fields of Gibeah.

The ready harvested fields were cut and gathered once the men of the village collected the wheat with their sickles. Approaching the wheat field, a woman with eyes like the moon and wispy curled hair reaching down to her waist like the night sky winging behind her back, carried a basket of bread and wine for her husband, Kish, working along with his sleepy servants who arose from their beds not long ago. Her slender, lean body loomed as she handed the basket to her husband raising his head from the strands of wheat. Kish’s towering posture could be seen from any distance, for he was impressively tall unlike any other person around him.

Smiling, she kissed his cheek while he took the basket from her. Her hands brushed his soft beard as she pulled up to his body. “I brought you your breakfast.” She caressed his cheek.

Kish fixed his dark, narrowed gaze deep in her wide, sparkling eyes shimmering the hidden stars trapped in her irises. “I’m surprised you have not forgotten me.”

“Why would I?”

Kish chuckled and brushed down her hair, slick and long in his touch. The curls on the ends of her jet-black hair ruffled in the morning breeze.

They stood around for a while, until the movement of the crops behind them alarmed her to twirl toward the sound of the shifting wheat. Her eyes lit up in joy when her maiden slipped through the wheat who held out the child bundled up in cloth. The maiden’s eyes glimmered in the ray of sunlight from her love for the child arousing. “Your son.” She stood before her reaching out to her child. Arms wrapped, her son against her chest, pulses of warm love shot through her body as she rocked the precious child in her arms. Her eyes watered when his innocent smile stretched and pierced her heart. She brought up the child, her only child, by her cheek and nuzzled in her piercing love for her son.

The world seemed to disappear around her. Forgetting her surroundings, she soothed the child arousing from his sleep and drew close to his little ear. “The one I have been waiting, the one I asked for.” Her words repeated over and over, for her love never ceased from her.

“There he is.” Returning to her world, her ears strained to Kish looming over her shoulders, smiling and chuckling, but she kept her eyes locked on the boy waving his arms from Kish tickling his chin. “Don’t be bewitched by his innocence. I will surely make a man out of him once he works with me in these fields.”

“Oh, I do hope he grows up the way I want him to be.” A godly man, someone who is willing to deliver Israel from the mire they’ve sunk in. Israel nowadays was troubled. Enemies on every side closed in on the nation who have no trust in Adonai, the One who delivered them from all their turmoil. They put their faith in Samuel of Ramah, the seer. But the people moved on to ask for a king. She couldn’t escape their cries for a king. They were everywhere. Snippets of the topic toppled in daily conversations, and at the moment, she could hear the servants in the field chattering about it as they worked.

“Love, are you alright?” Alarmed, she bounced out of her deep musing and faced her husband tickling the giggling baby. Kish trailed his gaze back on his wife with concern clouding his countenance. “Not long ago had you fled from the world from your thoughts, have you not?”

She gathered herself together to focus. “Oh Kish, I had enough with your teasing.”

He grinned and continued to tickle the boy whose tiny mouth overflowed with saliva from his endless laughter. “Look at him.” Kish placed his finger in his small, delicate hand. “He has your beauty.”

The boy choked on his spittle and coughed while she wiped away the dripping saliva with the cloth. She helped the child to let out his coughs and settled him down. “Well I think you should go back to work.”

With her gaze locked on the child, she drew him away from Kish nodding and raising his sickle. Her mind crept back to her deep musing of Israel’s troubled state. She couldn’t escape from those thoughts. She couldn’t.

“Would you like me to take the child back to the house?” Her maiden had noticed the boy moaning and soon cried for what he wanted.

Turning her back on the maiden, she clamped the crying child against her breast and closed her eyes to immerse herself in her sea of musing. “Later.” She opened her tearful eyes as she walked toward the hill beyond the field. “He needs to see our troubled world. His future will be rough.” She gazed down at her son and brushed his soft, smooth cheeks to calm him.

“Love, what are you talking about?” The worried tone in her husband’s voice didn’t bother her as she carried the child across the field.

For years Israel had been oppressed by their enemies on every side, but they scattered about in their confusion of mess the people mangled along the way. With the child in her hands, just one glimpse at his eye would express the potential to fight for their nation one day. She had pleaded to have a child of her own, and there he laid, snuggled in her cradle.

Stepping up to the top of the hill, she eased his cries by singing songs she made and practiced only for him before he came into the world. Her melodies sneaked through the wind’s blow and rode along the notes she sent slipping into the ears of the boy. As soon she neared the top clipping off into the terraces, she stroked her son to further soothe him. “Hear me, my dear, I have a life-long message to share.” The babe settled and stared straight ahead at his mother’s face as if to be listening. She smiled before pushing the strands of her long hair waving around her face as it danced in the wind. “I love you, that’s all I can say.” Tears welled her eyelids and drizzled to her chin when she brought the child closer into the curtain of her hair. It wrapped him around and embraced the face of her weeping.

“Oh this turmoil.” She continued. “This oppression of our enemies. My son, I can’t stand it any longer. If Adonai be merciful to you, shall He make you a prince over His people, a bow to the arrow and a hand to the sword. Shall my love for you be remembered in the depths of your heart. Shall you know what love is and how endearing it can be. Shall it remain with you, forever…” She pulled him away to gaze into his eyes delighted and his smile stretched. Indeed, she assumed he had agreed with her. “My beloved, you are everything I’ve asked for, Saul.” The last tear rolled right on her son’s forehead. He blinked but kept his composure while he buried deeper into her arms. She sat down and watched the sun crawling its way up over the horizon. She further spoke to him of her love, her endless love, and finally made the promise she had wished to be made.

“As a mother loves her son, shall this pass on. I love you and remember that. This is our promise.” She glanced out in the beyond and sang song after song filling his ears and his little mind. She pressed on without ceasing as she declared her promise loud enough for the God of heaven to hear her.

“Oh my Saul, my little Saul!” She tipped her head to the heavens.

“Fight the battles, fight for love. Remember love! Make a promise, make a future. Now what promise shall you make?”

Singing him to sleep, out of the love of a mother, the beauty of her stature rested upon her only son, undivided.

* * *

“You can run but you cannot hide!” His seven-year old son chased him through the golden field. Saul slowed down and glanced over his shoulder to find him sprinting right behind his heels. Jonathan’s wild giggles made him stretch a bright smile across his face; he did not expect him to be quick as he imagined him to be. He flung dust from his sandal as he continued to pretend he was a retreating Philistine.

Jonathan, his eldest son, pushed back his black, bushy hair with his fingers and leaped high in the air. He grasped on his shoulders while Saul made himself fall on purpose. His son pinned him on the ground and sat on his back with triumph gleaming in his dark, brown eyes. “Got you!”

Saul smiled and laid his cheek flat on the dusty ground. “Oh dear, the great warrior has gotten me now.”

“That’s right!” A warm, moist breath shot out of Jonathan which caused his neck to tingle. “You shall fall before me by the sword I hold; victory is mine! Now be gone you Philistine!” His tiny hands placed on his shoulder tickled him, and he raised one of them and pretended he was ready to strike him with his sword. “Be gone-“

“Hey you two! Your evening meal is ready!” A voice boomed across the field made Saul glance up in alarm. Across from them near the giant boulders stood his beautiful wife, Ahinoam, whose countenance was filled with content and pleasure. The soft breeze ruffled her silky, brown hair and her veil as the scarlet sunset crawled its way down to the horizon behind her. She placed her hands on her hips and gave out a smirk. “I’m sure you great and powerful warriors are mighty starved from your successful victories.” She nod her head toward their house and turned to leave.

Saul sighed and shifted his head near his son’s leg dangling over his back. For a moment, his stomach growled in a long, continuous groan; his wife was right. “Alright.” He pushed his chest upward with his arms. “A warrior needs his meal to wield the strength they need. So, great and mighty Jonathan, it’s time to release your father and fill our stomachs in pleasure.”

“Aw! But I almost slayed you this time!” The boy slithered down on the ground as Saul arose and wiped off the dust from his tunic. Jonathan fastened his grip on the hem of his garment once he straightened himself. His large, round eyes glowed with plead when he pouted. “Can we please play again tomorrow?”

Saul glanced down and frowned. “Maybe. Tomorrow I have to help your grandfather with the threshing, and of course, plow the fields. It might take all day.”

“Oh.” Disappointment clung on his son’s face. He hung his head low and kicked the dust while letting go of his garment. Saul gazed at him squatting down and drawing random squiggles on a tiny blanket of sand in the grass.

His son always asked to play with him every day, but work with his father kept him busy. If he couldn’t spend much time with his son, he hoped one day he will work along with him in the fields. He loved Jonathan; he reminded of him when he was his age who was ambitious and imaginative of fighting against the Philistines as the greatest warrior in Israel. His son had his youthful personality and also appeared a little like him. His raven-black hair was the same shade as his, but silky, yet bushy, like his mother’s. He had his mother’s large, round, and gentle eyes filled with a multitude of expressions. Saul admired his slender, tall structure for his age; he can already imagine him being as tall as him when he becomes a man.

He sighed and came over to his son’s side. He gave him a gentle pat on the back while glancing toward the direction of their house. “Come, our meal is ready.” Jonathan didn’t shift and continued to make marks in the sand. He stepped back and thought of luring him to follow him by pretending to leave him here alone; Saul smirked. He twirled around and headed down the sloping the hill. “Well, I suppose you can spend the night here by yourself as I eat. See you in the morning-“

“Don’t go!” He halted once Jonathan’s cry of worry was sounded off behind him. He turned to find him scrambling to his feet and racing down the slope. The wide-eyed boy launched himself onto Saul’s garment and clung on it. He rubbed his face on the deep, red robe and kept his head buried into the cloth. “Please don’t leave me like that.” He pulled on his garment. “You scared me a little because you seem to not care about me being all alone out here.”

“Oh Jonathan, I didn’t mean to frighten you.” He smiled and placed his hand beneath his son’s smooth chin. “I was only teasing; I would never leave you alone out here after dark.” He lifted his chin upward and gazed into his wide eyes mixed with wonder and fear. Warmth of glee showered him as he held out his other hand to stroke his soft, young hair.

Jonathan’s gaze squinted when he lift his tiny nose near his father’s feathery beard. “Father, will you ever, I mean _ever_ , leave me feeling confused and alone out of hate?”

Saul, astonished from his question, drew him closer and placed both of his hands on his cheeks. “Of course not, we are together as one.” He squatted down and embraced him. “You are my son, and there shall be no division between us, Jonathan.”

His son wrapped his arms tight around him and nuzzled in his chest. A comforted smile was spread across his face as he glanced up while tiptoeing forward. “I love you more than eating honey on my bread. In other words, I love you a lot.”

Saul chuckled as a surge of cheerfulness swallowed him. “I love you too.” He pulled himself away from his tight hug and took a moment to think what he should do next. A thought rushed to him once he smirked a playful smile. “Race you.” His voice was but a whisper. He sprang to his feet and raced down the slope. “I bet great and mighty Jonathan is not as quick as me!”

“Hey!” Jonathan’s yell rang in his ears. “You had a head start!” His wild giggles drew its way behind him as they darted across the field to their house.

They ran side by side, together.


	2. Great and Mighty Jonathan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Father, I have no words, but… thank you.” Jonathan tipped his head upward and smiled.
> 
> “Of course Jonathan, of course.” He leaned forward and embraced him. “I’m proud of you.” All of the worries aching his mind rolled away as he nuzzled in his father’s love. The sweetness of it spilled into his heart while Saul continued. “I couldn’t have asked for a better son.” He pulled himself away from him and gripped his shoulders. “God has given...” A mutter came out under his breath.
> 
> Jonathan smiled and chuckled. “Oh stop it, you’re making me feel all wonderful and great.”
> 
> “Because you have proven yourself to be wonderful and great.” Saul gave him a playful, gentle punch on the chest.
> 
> He rolled his eyes and folded his arms. “Enough with your flattering.”
> 
> Soft, short chuckles bounced in Saul’s throat. “Fine—fine.” Jonathan smirked as his father let go of him and ambled his way to the stone. “We shall meet soon great and mighty Jonathan!”
> 
> “We shall!” He waved his hand in the air with confidence overflowing him

* * *

_8 years later…_

Silent as the flight of a night owl, they crept behind the boulders near the side of the cliff. Philistines were scattered everywhere; they darted at every direction in terror and bewilderment. The sizzling heat arising from the russet, orange, sandy ground distorted some of the Philistine soldiers beyond them who were scrambling out of the gap between cliff Bozez and cliff Seneh. Saul and Jonathan were hidden right behind the boulders on cliff Bozez where the battle above them was taking place. Booming clashes of swords echoed into the gap, while screams of soldiers pierced Jonathan’s ears. Dirt and dust flung from above tempted him to lose concentration on the Philistines in the distance, but he kept his gaze locked on them. This was not the time to be distracted; this was war.

Ever since his move from farming to royalty, changes sprang upon him, and he tried his hardest to settle in those changes. In an unexpected way, his father, anointed by Samuel the seer, became Israel’s first king two years ago. Jonathan, who was now a prince and eventually Israel’s future successor, struggled to cling on this. These changes were unexpected, and he and his father were but humble farmers. The nation depended on his father the most, and he will do whatever he can to keep him on the sturdy path till his death. His father needed to be a wise, godly ruler Israel must thirst for.

If this may be the will of Adonai for them to enter into monarchy, he will follow the footsteps of His will. He will be a good diplomat as he can be; judgement and fairness from Adonai will guide him like how it guided him into the attack of the Philistine garrison.

The Philistine garrison he attacked not long ago, stirred confusion and disorder among his enemies. He had been with his armorbearer to the garrison without anyone, not even his father, knowing. He and his armorbearer slayed twenty of the Philistines and caused the whole army to scramble around in puzzlement when the earth shook. Now his father has led the rest of the Israelite army into battle against the Philistines, and victory stood strong on their side, for Adonai was with them.

Still trembling from his successful attack on the Philistine garrison, sweat glazed his whole body, and he let out short, rapid breaths.

“Look at them run like terrified hares!” His father mocked the retreating soldiers. “You surely have frightened those Philistines with your amazing attack!” Saul slapped his back. “I’m proud of you, my son.”

The young lad sighed and stared off into the distant, clear, blue sky. He closed his eyes and tried to keep his long, stiff legs from quaking. “I can’t believe I’ve done it, fought those twenty Philistines and stirred a chaos among them…” He opened his eyes and drew out his sword from his sheath. He narrowed his gaze as he crouched lower to the ground. “Let us pursue the Philistines down here, Father.” He took a step to the side. “And make sure none are left in sight.”

“And of course, kill them off.” Saul drew out his sword. “I want every one of them vanished from the earth.” They peered their heads over the side of the boulder until his father gazed up at Abner, his cousin and army commander, staring down at the two from the top of the cliff. Saul glanced back at Jonathan and leaned close to his ear. “I’ll make sure Abner knows of this.” He twirled his head around back on the general. “I want him to send down more men.” He paused and turned to his son. “Also, you will be leading the pursuit since this was your victory.”

Jonathan nodded but kept the boasting to a minimum as he trailed his gaze over to the slab of rock he gripped.

His father kept silent and continued to watch the Philistines darting around in the gap. “So, to where should we pursue the Philistines?”

Jonathan scrunched his face and tried to remember the land. “Michmash.” His head touched the rock of the boulder. “To Beth Aven,” which rested near the hills of Ephraim as he thought to himself. “Then down to Aijalon.”

He glanced up to find his father nodding in agreement. “Yes, which leads them back to their country.” He loosened his grasp on the boulder once he turned back to Abner above them. “Abner.” His whisper was hoarse and loud. “Send us down some men, for we are going to pursue the remaining Philistines retreating. You and the soldiers keep fighting, and Jonathan will lead the pursuit-“

“Hebrews!” An exclaim sounded off in the distance alarmed them. They spun around as an arrow flew at their direction.

“Duck!” They flung themselves on the ground. Jonathan’s heart banged against his chest once he arose and froze. The Philistines had spotted them. They all grouped together and sprinted across the gap to their hiding place. There were fifteen of them drawing closer to him and his father. “Philistines fight! Let us not back down as cowards!” They cheered.

“I’ll get the king!” One of them shouted.

“And I’ll get his precious son!” They all laughed as they hurled themselves on the boulder.

Saul and Jonathan backed away and held out their swords. “I think your whisper was a bit loud.” Jonathan’s voice trembled.

“Let’s not worry about that.” Saul swung his sword at an attacking Philistine. They poured over the boulders and attacked them at every side. Jonathan clashed his sword into one, and they fought. He took a few brisk steps back and threw his arm across their neck. With one down, he spun around and sliced across three more while keeping his balance on the rocky ground. Built for speed, he darted around the Philistines to baffle them. He flung his sword at every one he spotted with fierceness and determination surging him. Heavy iron clinked against his sword, but he threw it off and aimed at their stomachs.

After slaying the few in front of him, he turned to find his father being oppressed by five around him. “Jonathan!” His troubled gaze peered over the heads of the soldiers. Jonathan made an immediate leap toward his father standing on the edge of the heap of boulders. He pushed away the Philistines and swung his sword across their chests. A few of them screamed in agony as they tumbled back. He stood still and erect until a sharp, burning sting was cut across his shoulder by the sword of one of the soldiers.

He screeched and fell backwards into the dust. His teeth clenched together as he gripped his hand on his wounded shoulder. Blood drizzled down his side while he sucked in his teeth. He moaned when the burning agony pierced him.

“Remember the pain by the weapon of a Philistine, little prince.” A figure stood before him in the fog of dust. The Philistine who made the cut on his shoulder stepped out and raised his sword. Jonathan, alarmed, went pale when the sword drew itself down. Racing through his thoughts, fury clawed his mind as he lifted his foot and rammed it into his stomach with his sandal. The Philistine flung back and tossed his sword in the air into the back of the second of the last still surviving. The Philistine screamed and collapsed before Saul’s feet.

Jonathan sighed and thought it was all over, but after a couple of heartbeats, the Philistine he kicked got up and trampled toward the king. From where Jonathan laid in astonishment, the soldier digging his nails into his father’s shoulder could be seen clear as day while he punched the side of his face and shoved him over the heap of boulders. Horror struck him. He raced toward the edge once he regained his strength. “No!” The echo of his shriek filled the entire gap as his father fell onto the ground.

A booming thump rang back and strangled him with shock. He spun around in rage and stabbed the Philistine who laid on the ground smirking. After slaying him, he slid down the heap and stood by his father who laid still on the ground like dead prey. Jonathan shook him. “Father…” His voice edged with fear and desperation.

While hope seemed to be lost, the lad jerked up and ensnared his hope once his father’s arm shifted to grab his sword. Fury blazed in his eyes when he flung them open. Saul gritted his teeth and lifted his chest from the ground. Jonathan took a step back figuring to not bother him when aroused with fury.

His father mumbled curses under his breath. He raised his head to face his son standing before him in unease; the one side of his face swelled with a patch of fiery red. “This victory shall not be spoiled by those dead dogs.” He spat out dirt from his mouth. Saul wiped the saliva dripping from his beard and grumbled.

Jonathan tried to calm him, but in one moment, the ground shook when Abner led the men down the cliff. Sounds of numerous sandals patted the ground with Abner staggering toward Jonathan. He turned to the army commander in wonder and scolded him. “What took you so long to gather the men? My father and I were almost slayed by these Philistines who attacked us!”

Abner rested his hands on his lap and heaved deep breaths. There were battle cuts and scars all over him, and his coat of mail was streaked with light scratches from their foes’ swords. His short military tunic was soaked in blood clumping into the dust trailing across the holes in the cloth. His sleeves were shredded, his once sleek, silky hair was ruffled into clumps of blood and dirt, and he limped whenever he walked. He was a mess; the commander looked as if he got run over by one of those powerful iron chariots the Philistines possess.

Abner’s weary eyes were brought up to face the young prince who loomed over him. “Philistines.” He arose from his crouch and gripped on Jonathan’s arm. He was solemn once he pointed at all of the Philistines clambering down the cliff in retreat. “Go. Pursue them.” He shoved him forward and turned to the men behind him. “Let oppression fall on our enemies!”

His men cheered and bounded past Jonathan to the retreating Philistines. He pushed his way through the wave of soldiers to find his father in haste. “Father!” His father was in the same position he had been before. Saul kept his gaze on the ground while calling back to his son. “Go! I’ll join you once I recover and have the whole army in pursuit!” He rested his head near his shoulder. “I will have vengeance on my enemies!”

Jonathan nodded, although worried, and led the men to the Philistines. Everything that happened not long ago triggered him in bitter anger. Like his father, fierceness and harsh determination blazed his mind whenever encountered with a sliver of bitterness. His father had been hurt and pushed by a wicked, foolish Philistine, and as a young warrior he was, no matter how many older men looked down upon him, he will fight for his father not caring what the incident may be. If his father was in danger, he will spring to his side. He won’t let any devious foe lay a sword on him. _Division between my father and I is not an option._ He loved his father, and he had always looked up to him.

The thoughts stirring in his head dared him to never halt in his tracks. He pressed hard on the Philistines retreating, and his men had a difficult time coping with his incredible speed. Now in the midst of war and pursuit, determination seized him to fight for his father and for Israel. _I shall not back down! No, not with my people in a disarray._ He sprinted ahead and allowed the air tainted with the blood and dust of battle to press against his damp skin as he flew across the gap. A piercing courage like his attack on the Philistine garrison, the young fifteen-year old warrior prince raged on to avenge his enemies for what they had done to their nation, and to his father.

***

Through Beth Aven they entered into the woods; every man dragged himself through the trees in exhaustion. Jonathan could barely keep himself from falling. Sweat drenched him with the blazing sun beating his back through the dry leaves of the trees. They ran for countless miles from his burst of anger, and his legs were now sore. The long cut on his shoulder gave out a sharp burn whenever he shifted his arm. He never had a cut this long and painful, in fact, this was his first scar he received. _Painful… very painful…_

As he stared down on his burning cut, the voice of the Philistine who struck him rippled in his ears. _Remember the pain by the weapon of a Philistine, little prince…_ He shook away the voice plaguing his mind. He was not afraid of any Philistine. He trusted Adonai to deliver him from any enemy oppressing him. _Forget that Philistine who gave me my first scar, I am not afraid of that dead dog._ He stared at his scar with pride swallowing him. He smiled and patted it. _Maybe it won’t be so bad after all, it is quite nice to have a battle scar to show my fierce determination fighting sword to sword with a Philistine._

Continuing his wearisome walk within the stumbling army, he halted and locked his gaze on a lengthy, stiff rod in the distance. The rod would be useful to keep him from falling in exhaustion. Jonathan scanned the group of men to find his young armorbearer; he hoped he would be willing enough to fetch the rod for him. “Zebadiah!” His armorbearer on the other side turned in alarm. Jonathan waved his hands in the air for him to take notice of him. “You see that rod over there?” He pointed at the rod on the ground. “Could you bring it to me?”

Zebadiah nodded and hurried to the rod. Once picked up, he staggered through the plodding men and handed it before him. Jonathan took it and twirled it around. “Thank you.”

Zebadiah dipped his head in reverence. “Of course, my prince, you must be weary.”

“Yes, I am.” He placed down his rod and smiled. “I’m sure this will keep me from falling down like a fool.”

“And you won’t be left out here on the ground while you get carried away by the Philistines.” They both chuckled until an abrupt growl from Zebadiah’s stomach cut them off. “Uh, sorry.” He gave out a sheepish smile. “I’m a bit hungry as you can tell.”

Jonathan patted his shoulder and laughed. “Don’t worry! I feel like I can eat an ox in one bite-“

“Hey Zebadiah! Come over here!” A group of other young armorbearers called to the lad on the other side.

Zebadiah spun around and glanced back at the prince with a bright smile stretched across his face. “See you later.” The lad bounded away leaving Jonathan starved after their conversation. He now wanted to eat one whole ox.

His hollow stomach growled in an endless yearning for food. _Food… oh how it would give me the strength I need!_ He was weary and drained from the earth; food would bring a healing to his dead, floppy body. He trudged on with the men and lost himself in his own happy, little, merry thoughts. _Ah yes… imagine coming back from the pursuit to find all kinds of food awaiting to be eaten before me. There would be baskets of bread, maybe dipped in soothing honey, mixed with every kind of fruit I can think of: dates, grapes, figs, pomegranates, and more. Maybe there will be roasted ox with the smell of it slipping up my nostrils in such delight. A drink of fresh goat milk will refresh my dry mouth as I dip my soft, yet crusty, bread into the thick, sparkling, golden honey-_

He walked into a tree. Jonathan stumbled back and shook his head to focus from his pleasant reverie. The tamarisk tree he crashed into alarmed him in staggering shock. Liquid flowed out of it which gaped his jaw in astonishment. “Honey…” The world faded away when he laid his eyes on the sparkling, oozing liquid.

The golden honey cupped in the hole drizzled down the trunk and captured his soul. It lured him as he arose and prodded the tree with his rod. He shifted the end of the rod toward the hole and dipped it in the honey. Jonathan brought it down, scooped the honey with his finger, and ate. A new strength dispersed through his body, and his eyes brightened. The sweetness soaked his taste buds, and the gentle, soothing thickness glazed his whole mouth. All of the weary men before him staggered onward until he called after them filled with excitement and cheer. “Everyone! Come over here and fill yourselves with pleasure!”

The men turned around in wonder and stood frozen at the sight of the honey. Nobody moved a muscle nor twitched. Puzzled, he raised his honey-covered rod in the air and prodded the tree. “Look! Honey!” They continued to stand still as stones. _Why is no one coming forward? Our pursuit on the Philistines won’t be as wearisome when we fill ourselves with this! Or am I acting foolish for some reason?_

Jonathan held his gaze on an older soldier stepping out to clarify. “Your father made a strict oath above everyone saying, ‘Curse any man who eats food today!’ And this is why we are faint.”

_Huh? What oath?_ When did his father ever charged an oath? _And any man shall be cursed for setting the source of strength in his mouth?_ A shiver went up Jonathan’s spine. _This must be a mistake._

The soldier paused and turned his head toward the men behind him. “When you all raced off to pursue the Philistines at Michmash, I stayed back at the gap until I heard your father’s angry oath screamed at the top of his lungs. I went with all of you to warn you of his oath, and I surely thought the king’s son should already know of it.”

Jonathan shook his head in disbelief. “If it be so, my father has troubled the land. Cannot you see how my eyes have brightened when I ate a little of the honey? How pleasant it would be if the army had eaten some of the plunder we took from our enemies today. Would the slaughter of the Philistines be greater?” _Of course!_

Before he could go on any longer, the group of young armorbearers behind the soldiers raced up to them in haste. “We have spotted the Philistines fleeing to the hills of Ephraim!”

Jonathan paused and pushed his way through the men. He squinted his eyes and gazed out of the woods where the silhouettes of the distant brownish blue hills can be seen. Philistines were hurrying to the hills to hide from them in terror. “Oh we’re not letting those Philistines hide from us.” He drew out his sword. “Let us chase those Philistines down to Aijalon, men!”

They cheered and trampled out of the woods to continue the pursuit.

***

“Look! They’re sinning against Adonai by eating flesh with blood still in it!”

A shout from the top of the rocky hill alarmed Jonathan as he clambered up to join the whole army while carrying an ox over his shoulders. His father had joined them with the rest of the soldiers he brought to the pursuit. They ran till evening, and every man was worn out to the bone. Grumbling stomachs filled his ears the entire time until they weakened when the men brought their livestock they plundered and raced up the hill.

A commotion arose from the hill which concerned him; he walked faster. The pressure of the ox on his shoulders consumed him; he tried to grasp tight on its legs and let not the weight oppress his body.

The evening sky grew darker every moment. Its rich streaks of scarlet and orange fell deeper into the darkness of the night as the sun hid halfway behind the horizon. A wispy, dry breeze coiled around him and tingled his neck. He lowered his head away from the irritating breeze and trudged on without halting.

“Roll a stone here at once!” The order from his father burst him into sprints. _Great, the men must be eating their beast raw with the blood! Oh have mercy Adonai…_ He reached the top and hunched down to catch his breath. Once he gazed up at the area, shock bashed him. Many of the soldiers were eating their sheep and ox on the ground while digging their bloody hands into the sliced stomachs. Jonathan gaped his jaw. _Ravenous dogs!_ His stomach tightened in disgust. _Men breaking the law of Moses! How awful!_

In the distance, Abner and Saul’s five other officers rolled an enormous, flat-surfaced stone before the soldiers. Being wary and careful of the stone, they set it down with Abner stepping out and narrowing his dark gaze in scorn. His slender body stood still and erect as he tipped his head up toward the people. “Stop men! Let us not sin against Adonai by eating meat with blood still in it!” The soldiers froze and were attentive. Abner grumbled and took a step back beside the stone. “Bring your sheep and ox!” he tapped the stone, “and slay it here!”

Every men arose with his beast while Jonathan walked to the crowd of soldiers to join them. One by one they laid the head of the animal on the rock and cut off its head. They drained out the blood and set it aside for Abner to inspect it. When it came to his turn, he set his ox on the stone and took the knife beside the head. Before he struck the creature, his gaze trailed up to Abner and met his stare. His impassive, cold stare distracted him and sent numerous shivers down his spine. _He sure can give unease to anyone with his countenance._

He focused back on his ox until Abner rested his hand on the stone and loomed closer to the young prince. “Did any man tell you of your father’s oath?” His voice was soft, yet unsettling.

Jonathan faced him and placed the knife down. “Yes, I have been told.”

“Good.” He drew back and folded his arms. His eyes darkened as he straightened himself to gaze deep into the lad. “You know what happens when one breaks your father’s oath?”

Jonathan, alarmed, shook his head. “I do not.”

Abner’s throat rumbled with a groan; he leaned on the stone and brought his face close to Jonathan’s. “Death.”

***

_Oh no..._ Jonathan trembled in apprehension and ate little of his roasted ox. Night fell upon the land with fireplaces scattered around the men eating their creature. Although the night was cooler, a cold, nervous sweat broke out, and his hands quaked every time he grabbed the leg of the ox.

His conversation with Abner sent endless shivers all over his body. _Death._ The voice of Abner seem to haunt him. _This has to be a misunderstanding._ Would his father be this harsh? _I only tasted a little of the honey._ Jonathan rocked back and forth while reimagining him eating the honey again and again.

“Oh great and mighty Jonathan!” Shouts from behind startled his deep thinking. He spun around to find the other soldiers waving their roasted meat at him. “The son of Saul once again gave victory to Israel as always!” Everybody cheered and held up their weapon.

He sighed and stretched an awkward smile across his face. He tried to be cheerful, but anxiety drowned him. The men laughed and slapped each other’s backs in triumph. They chattered to one another and kept their weapon waving in the air.

“Once we return from war, the women would greet us with endless singing of our mighty prince!” Jonathan continued to smile as they praised him. Unease itched his worried mind.

“Jonathan ben Saul quicker than a gazelle!” One soldier exclaimed.

“Stronger than a lion!” Another soldier followed.

“And one who can’t keep his ox leg from falling.” The familiar deep, gruff voice made his heart skip a beat and caused him to jerk up. He twirled around and froze. His tall father stood before him with his dark gaze fixed on his ox leg he dropped.

Jonathan gazed at his fallen ox leg and sunk down in embarrassment. “Oh, there goes my evening meal.” He lifted the sand-covered leg from the ground and was disgusted. He pulled it toward his face and took a moment to gaze at all of the grains of sand surrounding the roasted leg.

“Are you really going to eat that?” Saul’s eyes widened.

Jonathan jolted upward from his deep, focused inspection on the ox leg. “Of course not.”

“Well, feed it to the dogs.” His father grabbed the leg and hurled it over another hill beyond them. Astonished, he arose and goggled at the ox leg vanishing behind the hill.

“What a throw!” Jonathan turned to his father and gaped.

“Eh, it was nothing.”

“What do you mean? Only the strongest man ever can throw a good throw as that with a piece of meat!”

His father grinned in amusement. “I can tell you still don’t have much knowledge on the ways of throwing.”

Saul sat on the ground and patted his rough hand on the surface. “Sit.” Jonathan obeyed and sat beside him.

His father stared off into the night sky while keeping his chin tipped up. The night breeze ruffled his beard and played with his bushy, dark hair. The black of his hair hid in the darkness of the night, and the breeze flapped its thick curls which still made it difficult to make out from the night creeping over its visibility. His dark, olive skin was scraped with roughness from the battles he fought as stars shone in his brown, narrowed eyes when he gazed at the sky. He held his towering posture erect while keeping his worn out armor down from the breeze.

“Now, do not go around and compliment every man who has superior strength than you, for I know there is not a man who throws a spear as high as the stars.” Saul cast a glance at each gleaming star and brought his gaze down on the distant hills. “But there is men who can throw as far as mines when they have enough strength in them. Have a little confidence in your own strength, like Abner, who can throw a spear at a great distance.” His father paused and smirked. “At least before I became king.”

The unease Jonathan had for his father went away once a dark, slender figure appeared behind Saul filled him with amusement.

“Ha, ha you’re really funny.” His father was startled as he turned to Abner standing with his arms folded. “Go ahead and boast all you want, my king.”

“Heh, your sense of humor is lacking.” Saul grinned.

“Your sense of being humble toward your cousin is lacking too.”

“Show reverence to your king, will you?” His father arose and wiped off the dust on his lap. He faced his cousin with amusement dimming in his eyes. “Now what do you want?”

Abner dropped his arms by his side. “My lord, shall we rest here for the night or-“

“Rest? With the Philistines still out there?” Saul shook his head. “I will say what we will do next once I build myself an altar for the victory Adonai has given us.”

Eyeing his father sauntering toward the large stone they used for the animals, Abner nodded and walked past the king to a group of officers laughing. Jonathan was silent as Saul headed to the stone until he balked in his tracks. He twirled around and glanced at his son.

“Oh, before I go, Jonathan,” his eyes softened, “I came to you for a reason.” He hurried back to his alert son and placed both of his hands on his shoulders. Jonathan gazed at his tall father with his dark, brown eyes widening in wonder; an amiable smile stretched across his father’s face. “My son.” He pressed his thumb against his cheek and nudged a piece of hair away. “What you have done today for Israel was courageous. This victory over our enemies who has been oppressing us for many years could not have been a success without your bravery and quick thinking.”

Jonathan stood there and reimagined himself earlier in the day attacking the Philistine garrison and confusing the whole army. He couldn’t help but think this victory had been won because of the slice of the sword he gave unto the twenty men with the help of Zebadiah who stood proud in the face of danger.

“Father, I have no words, but… thank you.” Jonathan tipped his head upward and smiled.

“Of course Jonathan, of course.” He leaned forward and embraced him. “I’m proud of you.” All of the worries aching his mind rolled away as he nuzzled in his father’s love. The sweetness of it spilled into his heart while Saul continued. “I couldn’t have asked for a better son.” He pulled himself away from him and gripped his shoulders. “God has given...” A mutter came out under his breath.

Jonathan smiled and chuckled. “Oh stop it, you’re making me feel all wonderful and great.”

“Because you have proven yourself to be wonderful and great.” Saul gave him a playful, gentle punch on the chest.

He rolled his eyes and folded his arms. “Enough with your flattering.”

Soft, short chuckles bounced in Saul’s throat. “Fine—fine.” Jonathan smirked as his father let go of him and ambled his way to the stone. “We shall meet soon great and mighty Jonathan!”

“We shall!” He waved his hand in the air with confidence overflowing him. The love for his father had touched him in an endless spiral of comfort and glee. Rethinking of what Abner had said of the punishment of one who breaks the king’s oath crept away. _I’m sure Father being this jolly wouldn’t be harsh enough to kill off anyone who tasted food before evening._ Jonathan sat down while slouching back. _And if my father knows of what I have done, would he really kill his own son? His eldest son?_ He sighed and sunk lower to the ground when exhaustion from his pursuit on the Philistines oppressed him. After eating and running across the rocky, sandy hills beneath the hot, sizzling sun from morning to evening, the world around him drained away. He closed his eyes for a little while.

***

“Jonathan… Jonathan…” A whisper startled him when he flung his eyes open from the deep sea of darkness to find Zebadiah crouching down beside him; he was lying on the ground. His fingers dug into the sand as he lifted his back from the earth. He rubbed his eyes and tried to regain his consciousness. “My prince, you have fallen sleep while your father was giving orders to everyone.”

His heart froze once the words of his armorbearer rang in his ears. He shook his head to focus and went pale. “Fallen asleep, while—oh no!” His head whipped around in every direction. “How dare I fall asleep! Where is my father? What’s everybody doing now? What is going on-“

“My prince, listen!” Zebadiah placed his hand on Jonathan’s shoulder. “I know you have awakened not so long ago but clear out the clutter in your mind, my friend. Now, your father has announced the continuance of the pursuit of the Philistines. We will be pursuing the Philistines at this moment until morning.”

“But, where is my father? I do not see him anywhere.”

“Ahiah, the priest, is counselling Adonai for him to see whether we can go down and pursue the Philistines.”

“So we may or may not pursue our enemies, correct?”

“We shall see when Adonai answers.”

Jonathan nodded and thanked him for waking him from his deep sleep. The two sat together and waited for his father to return with an answer. As they waited, they chattered on and on about anything from whatever appears first their mind. “Heh, I did not know I fell asleep, I guess I was too weary to know.”

Zebadiah chuckled along with him. “Everyone here is exhausted, Jonathan.” The lad smiled and leaned forward. “So, do you have any unusual dreams you would like to tell?”

Jonathan grinned. “Eh, not so much, but I did dream of eating hone-“ He paused and shivered from saying it. For some reason, the fear inside had not fled as he turned his head away from Zebadiah. “Never mind.” In unease, he scratched his arm up and down. _Why do I sill fear the punishment of the oath?_ He thought he had overcome the haunting and echoing voice of Abner tormenting his mind. _Death._ He tried to shake it off. _Confidence, I need confidence. Calm your worrisome-self._

The prince hung his head down trying to calm himself. _Relax Jonathan, you’re overthinking this._ He breathed in and thought all of the merry times his father had been pleasant and wonderful. _That’s right, he cannot be this harsh. I am his son and he is my loving father-_

“Uh Jonathan.” Alarmed, he sat upright and faced his friend who stared at him in bewilderment. “Is there something wrong? You seem worried.”

“Oh Zebadiah, I’m fine.” _Actually not._ “I’m having deep thoughts I question every moment I live-“

“Army commanders!” Jonathan’s heart lurched when the abrupt shout from his father standing before the army pierced his ears. He spun around and eyed Saul glowering at every person in dissatisfaction. “Something is wrong, Adonai is not answering us. Come! All of you army commanders! Let us find out what sin has been committed today.” He took a moment to glare at every soldier in suspicion. “As surely as Adonai lives who saves Israel,” his father paused and trailed his gaze toward his son’s. A sliver of distraught buried deep in his father’s solemn eyes pricked Jonathan. Saul whipped his head away and gazed at all of the other soldiers instead. His eyes narrowed as he straightened himself before the people; his father wouldn’t look at him. The king closed his eyes and gave out a shallow sigh. “Even if it be my son, Jonathan.” He opened his dark, glowering gaze. “He must die.”

His veins turned into ice and a great chill swallowed his whole body. Jonathan stood there motionless.

***

_Death…_ Jonathan stood by his father while the people casted lots. _Death…_ It echoed nonstop. His deep, uneven breaths drenched in uneasiness hasted when one of the officers casted the lot, and it fell upon him and his father. Jonathan clutched his teeth. _Oh Adonai, if I die from the oath I broke, may my father know I will always love him no matter what he does to me._ He closed his eyes and tried to remember the good in Saul. _He is my father._ The apprehension continued to grow as the lot was casted between them. He went lightheaded when it fell upon him. A giant sandstorm rolled in his stomach with him meeting his father’s narrowed gaze who stared at him. Astonishment and sorrow was shown through beneath his impassive and glowered eyes.

Saul grabbed his arm and took him aside away from everybody. His warm, moist hands let go from his arm, and he kept his gaze locked on Jonathan. His countenance was solemn which caused the lad to gulp in fear. “Tell me what you have done.” His voice was stern; although, it quaked toward the last of his words.

Jonathan loosened his stiffness. “I only tasted a _little_ of the honey with the rod I used to dip it in, and now I must die, Father?”

The question seemed to hit Saul. He paused and squinted his eyes shut. “Yes, may Adonai deal with me severely if you do not die, Jonathan.”

Terror clawed him once his father pulled out the sword from his sheath. Racing through his thoughts as he forgot the world the around them, Jonathan stiffened and paled in horror. Saul raised his sword trembling in his hand and swung it at his son.

He waited. He waited for the piercing agony. He waited for the world to vanish out of existence. He waited, though still deep in his father’s love. He waited.

***

Voices spilled into his head. What was happening? His mind, lightheaded and unfocused, made out faint shouts outside of the dark world. Was he dead?

He came to his senses and the slits of his eyes opened. Jonathan blinked a few times to gain consciousness. He froze and remembered. His father had brought his sword toward him, and he squinted his eyes shut with the terror corrupting his unfocused mind. He shook his head to focus and strained his ears to hear the commotion around him.

“Jonathan shall live!” Soldiers clustered behind the perplexed prince as Saul backed away in astonishment while clinging onto his sword near his son’s neck.

“Why should he be put to death? He has brought deliverance unto Israel on this very day!”

“He delivered us from the Philistines!”

“And stirred up a great victory!”

Jonathan stood there speechless and twirled around to watch his father drawing his sword down. The rapid, shallow breaths he breathed deepened when his father’s eyes casted a guilty, humiliated look on his son. Saul faced the other direction and hung his head down.

“Not one hair from him shall fall to the ground!” The soldiers continued to defend Jonathan.

“For he has delivered us with Adonai’s help!”

After all of their angry shouts, Saul stood there still and silent. His sword slipped out of his hand as he held his head down in shame. “Alright.” He turned his back on the people.

A wave of distraught flooded his heart from his father’s doleful, wretched countenance and movements he made. He could not bear seeing his father like this before him. _Oh Father, you know I do forgive you!_ Even though baffled from Saul trying to kill him, Jonathan wanted to dash up to his father’s side and comfort his crestfallen heart, but a gentle grasp on his shoulder triggered him to twirl around in alarm.

It was Zebadiah in the midst of the soldiers trailing back to the camp. “Let’s go, my prince.” His voice slithered into a soothing, quiet whisper. He nodded and walked along with him. Jonathan took a moment to glance over his shoulder at his father staring off into the night sky.

***

When morning came, Saul had ordered to call off the pursuit and head back home. Everybody gathered what they plundered with some of the soldiers stopping by to talk to Jonathan about the situation last night. “We’re terribly sorry from all you have gone through that night, my prince.”

Jonathan tightened his belt around his waist. “I’m sure things will get better.” He patted the belt and glanced up at the men before him. He tried to keep them from worrying. “I will be fine and so will my father.” _I hope I’m correct._ He strolled past the men to grab his bow and his quiver of arrows leaning against a stone. Jonathan attached the quiver on his back and went off toward the edge of the steep hill. Dry, grainy sand slid in between his toes as the morning breeze hurled dust in his face. He waved the irritating dust away from him and balanced himself on the hill sloping down into a pit of sand. The blazing, intense sunlight of the rising sun spilled through the distant arid, rocky hills. Fading streaks of pink and orange hid behind the thick, swirling clouds stretched across the pale sky. The first lights of dawn richened when the sun rose higher. He had to place his hand over his eyes to scan the area around him. Through the beaming sunlight, there were no signs of their enemies awaiting them in shrubs or in the crags jutting out of the hills. The walk to their home was safe.

He sighed and turned to the men in the camp. He balked before he could move when a lone figure stood near the face of a boulder with his head hung low while facing away from the men. It was his father casting a blank stare on the ground. Jonathan gulped in unease. _Father…_

The willingness to comfort him thrusted him forward. He approached behind his father’s back and halted. He hesitated to speak or walk closer, but he became attentive when a sullen, husky mutter slithered out of his father. “Forgive me…” Saul’s shoulders drooped. “I have been foolish.” He rested his head on the boulder and closed his eyes. “I feared Adonai. I feared breaking my word before Him if I had not killed you for the crime you have committed from the oath I charged.” He drew his head and flung his eyes open to gaze at the grainy, rough surface of the boulder. “I guess I had been impetuous for making such a rash oath.”

“You were angry, Father, remember?” He stepped up to his father’s side and gripped on his shoulder. His forgiving, gentle gaze was set upon him shifting his head toward the sky.

“Yes.” He let out a shallow sigh. “Because of the Philistine who attacked me and shoved me off of the cliff. I then was determined to keep our victory and made the whole army fight the Philistines without ceasing.” Saul turned to face the hills beyond them. A warm, pale glow from the sunlight glazed his father’s posture and formed a shadow casted on the boulder behind him. He stepped forward with a wispy breeze brushing the ends of his thick, dark hair. “Let’s go.” He stared off into the distant hills. “We have a long journey ahead of us.”

***

The army departed from Aijalon and ventured back to Michmash. From the pass of Michmash, they marched past the town of Geba and were greeted with singing and dancing. The women danced around the army and sang their joyous, beautiful melodies. The clinking and pounding of the timbrel from the women moved Jonathan as he held his hands in the air. “Rejoice with us, Father!” His father’s spirit had been lifted from the music of their return and victory.

He chuckled and placed his hand on Jonathan’s side. “Are you listening to their singing?”

Jonathan glanced ahead at all of the women dancing before him. They blushed whenever his gaze met theirs.

_“The prince of Israel returns from battle!_

_Strengthened from the hand of Adonai,_

_He smites the wicked and plunders the evil!_

_Shall the bow of Jonathan be brought forth!_

_Shall he stand in the midst of battle!_

_Clothed in dignity and strength,_

_He shall cut off the thousands he has slain!_

_He is swifter than an eagle!_

_He is stronger than a lion!_

_Ben Saul shall live forever!_

_He yields victory for his people!_

_May the heart of Israel look upon him with great favor!_

_O, hear ye Israel, the prince returns from battle!”_

The women beat the timbrels as the men clapped along. Jonathan set his hands down and sunk back not wanting to be noticed. His father chuckled and slapped his back. “They’re singing about you!”

“Yes, I know.” He gave out a bashful glance at the women.

Continuing to march their way from battle, they were greeted with loads of singing and dancing in Gibeah. Saul clapped along with the music and nudged him to do the same. Jonathan gained confidence and rejoiced along his father twirling about in his bliss. For a moment they exchanged glances, none filled with wrath nor spite but of the love a son should have for his father and a father for his son. Jonathan clutched to the thought of their future in their new royal positions. He didn’t mind these changes, but as long the love between his father and him stands powerful without a quake, he shall live forever in his undivided loyalty for him.

Saul and Jonathan smiled.

_***_

_Years slipped by like wind carrying dust across the land. Jonathan and Saul continued to fight all their enemies on every side: the Moabites, the Ammonites, the Edomites, the kings of Zobah, and the Philistines. Their warriors were mighty and fierce, but they could not compare to the greatness of Saul and Jonathan. They stood back to back in every battle and conquered each victory. The thousands they slayed were numerous. Their minds were keen, and their strategic ideas admired many. Their legs were quick and powerful as a gazelle. They hurled themselves into battle like a ferocious, bloodthirsty lion. The two were known for their bravery and cunning behavior._

_Thirteen years had passed since Jonathan’s victory, and Saul was approached by Samuel the seer who gave him counsel since the beginning of his reign. Samuel told him to wipe out all of the Amalekites and their animals. This command came from Adonai, and Saul must follow His command. Jonathan was determined to do everything Samuel had commanded; although, a dark shadow approaches the nation when a foolish decision was made._


	3. Downfall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To someone else as king? Jonathan wondered as the stone crushing him shattered his heart. Seeing the terror and dread filling every inch in his father’s eyes churned his stomach.
> 
> Samuel turned away from Saul and stared off into distant hills. He gripped on his rod and held his gaze on the sheep passing through the gap with its shepherd. “He is not a man who lies and changes his mind.”
> 
> Saul dragged himself by the foot of the seer. “Samuel…” His voice cracked in desperation. “Return to me, please…” He reached out his hand to grab the hem of his tunic. “I have sinned, I know… But please, come back and honor me before my people so that I may worship Adonai.”
> 
> Samuel glowered as he fully turned to Saul letting go of his tunic.

* * *

“Put on your armor! Grab your sword! Take your bow!” Saul tossed his garment over Jonathan’s head. “We’re going into battle!” He put on his coat of mail.

Jonathan pulled down the garment from his head and held it in his arms. “Another battle once again.” Confidence surged through him as he set the mantle on the grainy ground. They were preparing for the battle outside of Gibeah. Bethlehem faced before them in the distant steep, stony hills.

The sun high in the cloudless sky beat against his back with the intense heat heavy on him. Sweat streamed down his forehead and caused Jonathan to pant.

“The men shall be gathered in Telaim.” His father attached the sheath on his belt. “Abner will bring the men we have here, and then,” Saul pulled out his sword and pointed it at Bethlehem. “We shall collect at least ten thousand men from Judah. Our army will make those Amalekites quake in terror!” He chuckled and set his helmet on his head.

Jonathan brought his father’s garment before him as the instructions from Samuel, his father’s friend and advisor, slipped into his mind. The old seer told them of the command from Adonai they had to follow. They had to wipe out the existence of the Amalekites. It will be challenging, but he was determined to do the job. He didn’t want to let Samuel down.

Jonathan held out the garment for his father while leading his mind to the Amalekite command. “Remember Samuel’s command, kill every Amalekite and their animals-“

“Yes—yes I know.” He snatched the mantle from his hands and rubbed it on his face. Jonathan sighed and whipped around when distant pattering of sandals drew toward their direction. He straightened his shoulders once Abner and his men could be seen. They marched across the rocky trail and stood before the king drenched in sweat. Saul faced the men while stepping forward. Jonathan stood on his left with Abner pulling up to his right. The soldiers silenced themselves as Saul held up his hand to speak. “We’ll be going to Judah to collect ten thousand men there. Meet us at Telaim where everyone will be numbered.” His father’s gaze swept back and forth from him and Abner. Jonathan nodded along with Abner as Saul tilted his head toward Bethlehem. His cousin called the men to follow him and they went on their way. Jonathan stepped out to walk with the army, but his father’s grasp on his shoulder halted him from moving. He took a glimpse over his shoulder and locked his eyes on his father smiling. “Fight and yield a great victory for us like you did many years ago at Michmash, my son.”

Jonathan fully turned his whole body. He smiled back and glanced at the ground. “I can’t believe it happened so many years ago. Time seems to pass by as quick as a fleeting gazelle.”

“And you have grown so much.” A chuckle bounced in Saul’s throat as he placed his hand beneath Jonathan’s fuzzy chin. An amused grin spread across his face. “And—ah yes, you’re of course a man now, but still not as manly as you should be with that pathetic, little beard.”

Jonathan rolled his eyes and pushed him away. “Enough.” He smirked and turned his back on his father. “I’m glad what I am now.”

“Say whatever you like great and mighty Jonathan, but it won’t change my opinion on you.” Saul’s chuckles faded once he stepped up to his son’s side and nudged him. “Let’s go, we have long ways to walk.”

Jonathan, filled with pleasant warmth from his father’s teasing, nodded in determination when he set his focus back on the Amalekites. _Ah, such memories of my youth at Michmash, the start of my position to fight for Israel, and now, I shall slay these Amalekites as had slew those twenty Philistines._

_***_

Through the pass in between the rocky, rough hills of Bethlehem, they marched their way toward the town. A few crags stuck out with little plant life to be seen; even though this was the place where the shepherds look after their sheep. “I wonder where the shepherds lead their sheep to get their food.” Jonathan kicked the dust. When he glanced at the dust flying, there was sheep dung gliding along on the speckles of dirt. His heart lurched as it flew into Abner ambling behind his father. _Oh no._

The army general froze and stared down at his shoulder covered in dust and dry dung. He fixed his gaze on Jonathan behind him and let out a scornful grunt. “What’s the meaning of this? Should the king’s son act foolishly toward his army commander?”

Jonathan took a step back. “Abner, I didn’t mean to-“ he stumbled into the wave of soldiers when someone’s leg had tripped him. He flung himself on the ground and was swallowed by the legs of the men. He tried to stand, but he kept falling back. He wobbled once he arose and wiped off the dust and squashed sheep dung clinging on his tunic. Jonathan stood at the end of the group of soldiers and sighed. _I hope he forgives me._

He turned to face whoever walked behind him. He gazed ahead as soon a figure in the distance could be seen staggering after the army. He paid attention to the staggering man with mountains of armor pieces and weapons held in his hands. Guilt and shock struck him. It was Zebadiah carrying all his belongings.

“My dear friend!” He rushed up to his side and took half of his belongings from him. “There’s no need to carry all of those by yourself.” He held them away as Zebadiah froze in his tracks.

He spread a warm smile and leaned forward. “Why, thank you, my prince. For a moment I thought all of these stuff will collapse on me.”

“And suffocate you, I suppose?” His words did not came out the way he wanted it to be. _That was a terrible joke._ His awkward smile lowered when his armorbearer walked in silence. He stood there like a fool. _Why did I say that? It wasn’t even amusing._ He sighed and tried to catch up with the army, but he balked when his helmet slid out of his hands. It dropped and rolled down the slope behind him. He moaned in frustration.

Jonathan staggered down the slope to retrieve the helmet. When he hunched down to lay his hands on the bronze, shiny top, a holler from above jolted him upward. He glanced at every direction until he made out where the holler was coming from.

“Up here!” He stared at the steep, rocky hill before him with a crag sticking out. At the top of the hill was a little boy in rags calling out to him. “Would you be kind enough to get my rod down there for me? I dropped it!”

Jonathan scanned the ground and spotted the rod fallen on the bottom of the hill. He turned to the army far beyond him and did not know whether he should continue to follow them or give the young boy his rod. Ignoring the boy would cause him to ache in guilt, but he needed to be with the army. The decision strangled his mind. “Uh… young boy! Could you just get another rod?”

“That one is my favorite and only one I have!” The desperation cracked in the youth’s voice drove Jonathan crushing in sorrow for the little boy. He didn’t want to disappoint him.

He narrowed his eyes and glanced toward the direction of the departing army. _I’ll catch up later._ He turned to the rod laying before him and dropped his belongings on the ground. He approached the rod by the hill and took it in his hands. Jonathan checked to see if the boy was there, and he was. The boy laid flat on the ground with his little head peering over the crag. “I’m coming up with your rod, alright?” He tried to bring joy on the boy’s face as he climbed up the stony hill. The troublesome climb took all of his strength once he reached the top. Breathless with his hands burning from the scrapes of the rocks, he sprawled himself on the ground and held out the rod. “Take it.”

The boy grabbed the rod and wrapped his arms around it. “Oh thank you! Thank you!”

Proud of what he had done, Jonathan lifted his head and smiled. “I’m glad you’re happy.” While the boy arose from the earth, he was able to get a good look at him. The young shepherd boy had dark, curly, auburn hair patched with fiery red on his cheeks. His glistening eyes were admirable, and his countenance appeared pleasant and gentle. He was clothed in rags and stunk from the smell of sheep. Although the boy was filthy and shabby, he was interested in hearing of his duty being a shepherd.

Jonathan grinned and lifted himself from the ground. “Are you a shepherd around here?”

The boy’s eyes brightened. “Why, of course! My father’s sheep are way over there eating the grass I have found for them.” He pointed to another hill sloping downward in the distance. “They’re behind the hill.”

“Really?” He tried to fill his voice with excite as he held up his hands over his eyes to find the creatures. “How do you know where to search food for your sheep?”

“Easy,” he crossed his arms, “I retrace the same path where I found the grass before, and I lead the sheep there. If there is no grass anywhere, I’ll keep searching for some more.”

Jonathan nodded in approval. “What a nice strategy—now tell me, how do you make your sheep follow you?”

The boy glanced down and rubbed his sandal into the ground. “It’s a secret.” After a moment, his gaze trailed back on the prince once he leaned forward to whisper. “But I will tell you if you don’t laugh.”

“Alright, I won’t.” Jonathan smiled as the young shepherd went over to a boulder behind them and took out an object from the other side. Eyeing the portable object, he brought it out and held it in his hands. Jonathan goggled at it in admiration. The boy held a lyre.

“Music.” He held up the instrument and strummed across the ten vibrating strings. The lyre was made of cypress wood with the smooth carving of it gleaming in the sunlight. Arms like horns ran parallel from each other on both sides of the instrument with a bar between them near the top. The strings made of small sheep intestines came down from the bar and ended at the bottom of the wooden box.

The boy plucked the strings and played a beautiful, soothing tune. He drew before Jonathan who gaped in amazement. “You play the kinnor?”

“Yes, and the sheep follow me whenever I play it.” He strummed the strings and opened his mouth to sing.

_“Come, I say come_

_There is a distant green field_

_Now be filled with pleasure little ones_

_Follow, I command_

_A green pasture is where I lead you_

_Lie by the still waters in satisfaction_

_The sun and the stars shall come and go_

_The days will come to pass when you halt_

_If you do not follow, where would you go?_

_Where shall you seek comfort?_

_O, come, I say come_

_Pleasure awaits you.”_

His voice touched his inner self and made the hair on his arms prick up whenever he sang a higher note while holding it. His heavenly voice flowed along with the soft, strumming of the lyre slithering into his ears. Jonathan held his astonishment as he relaxed his shoulders and sat on the ground. The boy’s singing and the music, it came upon his heart and ears like a soothing breeze cooling him off from a fever. This was pure talent; he was impressed. He did not dare to stop the boy from playing; he wanted him to go on. _He seems so special, his talent mesmerizing and his appearance filthy yet beautiful…_ Jonathan leaned back and relaxed until he finished playing. Once the last of his strings had been strummed, Jonathan arose and applauded him. “Young boy, that was amazing!” He sauntered up to his side with his jaw gaping. “I’m deeply impressed. Your music, your song-“ His voice stammered from the shock piercing him. “I-it’s beautiful! Not even words can describe how soothing and pleasant it is.”

“Why, thank you.” The boy smiled. “The sheep really love this one.”

“I can see why.” He patted his shoulder with the golden ring he had around his finger rubbing against him. After the plentiful pats he gave on his shoulder, he froze when the boy glanced down at the ring fastened with precious stones and gazed at it in wonder and curiosity. Jonathan stood erect when the boy poked and tapped the ring. The expressions on his face he made caused him to chuckle. “It’s a ring.” He squatted down to match the youth’s height and held out his hand.

The boy’s eyes gleamed in amazement. “Wow! I have never seen a beautiful ring like this before!” His head lifted from the ring as he trailed his gaze up and down on Jonathan’s garments embroidered with gold on the edges. He stepped forward and tapped the bronze, coat of mail in shock. “You must be wealthy, and is that armor you’re wearing?”

Jonathan placed his hand on the smooth, glistening piece of armor. “Yes, I’m part of the army.”

“King Saul’s army?” His large, round eyes widened in astonishment.

Jonathan let out soft chuckles. “Well, I’m the king’s son.” Through his chuckles of amusement, a gasp shot out before him. The boy had almost dropped his lyre with his countenance paling from the horror struck on his face. “P… P-Prince Jonathan?” The boy backed away from the bewildered prince. Jonathan’s chuckles faded while he locked his gaze on him. The wide-eyed shepherd tightened his arms around the lyre. “I’m sorry for wasting your time.” He whipped around and fled.

Jonathan, alarmed, held out his hand after the boy sprinting toward his sheep behind the hill beyond them. “Wait! What is there to be afraid of? Also, I don’t even know your name!” He did not expect to frighten the young shepherd; in fact, he desired to talk to him without scaring him off.

He stood there in silence. A soft breeze ruffled his dusty tunic and slid across his armor. A cry of a hawk screeching above him abrupted the silence, and his raven-black hair tingled his cheeks. He kept his gaze on the boy disappearing behind the hills.

The music from the young lad filled his ears. He could not shake off the beautiful strumming and singing plaguing him. _It was so lovely._ He stepped forward. _So soothing._ He closed his eyes and took a breath. _I have never met a boy like him, and I wish to see him someday._

Jonathan opened his eyes and let his mind focus back on the army who is probably close to entering into the town. After hearing the music from the shepherd, refreshment clothed him and a surge of strength seized his body. Thinking of the battle against the Amalekites never ceased his confidence that was flooded by the strumming of the lyre.

***

Saul awoke with a start when the screams, the cries, and the blood vanished in the black of the night sky his eyes had laid upon. His heart bashing against his chest, he jolted upward to scan his surroundings as if he would again find himself in the place haunting him. His mind wandered once the fragments of his dream faded into the pit he clung ever since he heeded the command Samuel had proclaimed.

Restless, he mused and gathered himself to sit upright. A hollow feeling set a barrier from reality, cold, familiar, yet uncertain. His head gnarled in a memory he swore he had been through rattled his subconscious with familiar feelings surging and tugging him. He simply sat digging an endless pit to a memory toying him, or was it memory? _The dream, the–wait, no, but…no no–I mean yes, wait… I… hm._ A sense of familiarity warped his mind and bugged to remember the contents of the dream. It left behind a breath of nostalgia and a darkness lingering the memory to keep its presence away from him. It had brought something he long set aside, something that if touched it’d disturbed him with an eternity of unease. Only the sounds of the distant memory he awoke from rang in the back of his mind along the blurred images he caught glimpse of. _Blood._ He held the single memory still whirling in his head. Saul shuddered.

Samuel’s command to kill every Amalekite and everything they possessed, especially the women and the children, had triggered something within his inner self he never allowed to dwell. He supposed the mention of slaying the innocent women and children took part of his strange apprehension, but the vision, the images and the sounds haunting his slumber as if it had been part of him, it came crashing with an opening to a door he wished he hadn’t set foot in. Deep inside he repressed to hurt the innocent, but not of human guilt, but of a shadow he always had that sneaked away hidden.

_Ugh, I can’t do this…_ He curled up his knees. _Harm the innocent? I must at least spare something from the Amalekites. This feeling… This…_ He paused to the shifting of the sand behind him which he and his army laid upon beyond the borders of Beersheba. Surrounded by rock and a sandy plain, he raised his head from the boulder he slept on and turned to face his son sound asleep in his own world of dreams. Jonathan may have adjusted his leg while asleep, but he shrugged off the sound and watched the breaths he slipped in and let loose.

The innocence in his eyes as he slept, and his body near his side, the memories of his youth back when Saul plowed fields and tended the livestock with his father’s voice screaming into his ears each day, it sprouted in the corners of his mind. He smiled at the thought and pulled himself further upright to gaze into his son’s face. A voice long ago told him to remember love, and he did. He loved his son, no doubt, his loyalty had been true throughout the years. When was the last time his son turned on him and spat curses out of spite? His smile stretched.

Unlike his father, Kish, who carried a fire in his tongue whenever he spoke, he’ll be without the apathy his father had for him. To this day, in his continuous wonder, he contemplated why his father seemed distant and hateful toward him in the past. The sneer embedding his face and the scolds and the contempt glossing his glares engraved his mind. There stood a memory of the reason for his disdain, but it toppled in the uncertain memories he could hardly recall in his dream. This overall baffles him. Were these memories or a cloud of his imagination?

Saul slouched back and rested his arms beneath his head to stare into the heavens up above. _I am not like my father._ He glanced in Jonathan’s way who sprawled out on the ground, sending a fatherly warmth he had for him. _For I’ve remembered love._ He closed his eyes to immerse himself in the wind’s whistling and hollow tones shifting into a lullaby sinking him in a familiar serenity. The trailing of the breeze against his face… the curls of his hair bouncing… a melodious voice slithering into his ears… a voice soft in tone and haunting… a voice full of the love he had been exposed to—then, it all hit him. Saul flung his eyes open, shocked.

There was no way he’ll be killing the Amalekite’s possessions without sparing something… The memories in his mind poured.

***

“Route the Amalekites!” Saul’s command echoed as the whole army drove them off. The Amalekites attempted to fight back, but were oppressed by the Israelites pursuing them to the approaches of Shur on the frontier of Egypt. From Havilah, they routed the Amalekites at Shur and fought there. The battle was fierce, but Jonathan kept himself balanced and alive from swords flinging everywhere. He knew what he had to do: kill the Amalekites including their wives, children, and animals. There he struck as many as he could in burning wrath for what they had done to them hundreds of years ago when his forefathers came out of Egypt and wandered through the wilderness for forty years.

After slaying a few more, he turned to his father beside him with sweat drizzling down his forehead to his chin. “Father, I see some Amalekites by the-“ his mouth was left open when Saul commanded his men to gather the best of the sheep from the nearby fold. One by one the soldiers grabbed the healthiest and best-looking sheep out of the stone-walled pen. Ice prickled his insides. He gripped on his father’s arm in horror. “Father! What are you doing?”

“What? I’m only gathering a few sheep that we may sacrifice before Adonai.” He waved his hand for the soldiers to continue to take the sheep from the fold. “Make sure you get the best of those creatures!” Saul glanced at his son and nudged him. “Come and join us.”

“But Samuel said-“

“We’re only taking them in as a sacrifice before Adonai, Jonathan.”

“Father…” His voice became gruff. “We are supposed to-“

“Oh stop with your protesting! Join us.” He shoved him forward toward the sheepfold. Jonathan whipped around and opened his mouth to clarify, but his voice trailed away when a group of men approached Saul from behind. The five men of Judah carried Agag, the king of the Amalekites, who struggled to release himself from their grip. Jonathan growled and thrusted out his sword to kill the king, but his father held out his hand from attacking the Amalekite. He stood there in bewilderment as Saul drew himself before King Agag who screamed curses at his face. “It seems you have failed your own people.” Saul crossed his arms and grinned.

Agag gritted his teeth. “May your carcass be fed to the dogs!” He spat on the king’s face and kicked dust at him. The men jerked him back as Saul wiped off the saliva covering his eyes.

He grunted and pulled himself before the Amalekite king. “Spit all you want somewhere else besides my face, or you will be getting a spittle out of me.”

“I don’t care you worthless dead dog with a mother who probably taught you to be a reckless fool!”

“My mother is dead.” A blank, solemn grumble rumbled Saul’s throat as Agag squirmed in the soldiers’ arms. The men tightened their grip with Jonathan approaching behind his father’s back. The random remark he made about his mother left a shiver running through his skin for some reason. The tone of his voice, cold and vacant, suggested it meant more to him than what he thought as random and out of place to the insults Agag had been firing. Jonathan, disturbed, drew away from the thought and focused on the wonders and notions cramped his mind of his father not laying a sword on the king.

A sandstorm rolled in his stomach once Saul straightened himself to speak. “King Agag, you won’t die, but you shall be held captive.”

“Held captive?” Jonathan drew up to his father’s side in disbelief. “He is an Amalekite! We must kill him, for Samuel commanded us to do so.”

“Now Jonathan, this is but _one_ Amalekite we will keep alive.”

“But we are commanded to wipe out _all_ of the Amalekites.” He held out his sword and pointed it toward Agag’s stomach. Before he could strike the king, his father elbowed him away from killing him. He flushed in irritation. _What is my father doing?_

Saul kept his stance erect as he locked his narrowed gaze on the Amalekite king looking confident from his escape from death. “What about you go away and kill some other Amalekite.” His father’s voice sounded gruff and snappy.

“Father, would you _please_ heed my word and listen. Samuel strictly told us to kill every Amalekite and their animals. Don’t you remember?” Jonathan’s voice cracked with plead. _My father can’t do this! Samuel would be infuriated!_

Saul was silent for awhile until he nudged Jonathan harder. “Go on.” He turned his body from facing him with his hands on his shoulders.

Jonathan refused to leave his father breaking the command at this moment. “Father, you must-“

“I said _go on_.” This time, his father shoved him away. He fell back in the grainy sand and bubbled in frustration and distraught. He sat up as his father herded the men of Judah away from the fighting taking place in the sandy plain stretched across the land. Worry stained his heart for his father’s decisions. He had kept some of the Amalekite’s animals alive and the king also. _Oh Adonai, forgive him._ A creeping shadow casted over him and pricked the hairs on his arms.

***

From Shur, they marched their way back to Carmel, south of Judah, in triumph from their victory. His father boasted of the animals he captured and of King Agag he held captive; he even set up a monument for himself there at Carmel. Jonathan ached at his father’s arrogant actions. The decisions he made caused his stomach to roll in agony. Standing in apprehension before the men celebrating around the fireplace they had set up, Saul raised his goblet of wine and cheered. “Victory is ours!” Jonathan sickened as his father gulped down all of the wine in the goblet.

Through the cool night surrounded by the mountains spread throughout Judah, the night breeze slipped between his trembling, long legs and attempted to cool his unease. He frowned and stepped forward with his arms dangling by his side. “Be careful with the wine, Father.”

Saul wiped the wine dripping on the ends of his beard. He laughed in a drunk-like state. “Wha? Aren’t you goin’ to join us, son?” He held out his goblet for one of the men to refill it while grinning at Jonathan who backed away. A great sandstorm rolled in his stomach. “Come Jonathan, we celebrate the victory over them Amalekites at ‘tis very night!” He chuckled and pointed at the large, stone, wooden-carved hand rested in the middle of the gap between the hills around the army. “Ya see that monument over there I have set up? It represents strength from the victory I have won.” He took another gulp from his goblet and waved it in the air. “Men! I’ve been thinkin’, how ‘bout we go gather ourselves at Gilgal tomorrow and do that sacrifice thingy.” Everybody, half drunk, cheered and let out hysterical laughs. Jonathan’s eyes watered from his distraught.

He gave out a trembling sigh and plodded to the bottom of the hill. He halted and flopped on the ground. He dragged a nearby a stone and pulled it beneath his head to rest. His worried thoughts for his father clogged his mind; Saul had not followed Samuel’s command. A disturbing wonder seized him; what will happen to his father?

He sank in his thoughts until a linen cloth fell on his side causing his body to jerk in alarm. He blinked open his eyes and widened them. Zebadiah was crouching down before him while laying his outer garment over his body. His armorbearer spread a warm, gentle smile. “I hope you do not mind me putting your cloak over you, my prince.”

Jonathan yawned and relaxed from his cordial comfort. “Oh Zebadiah, you are too kind.” He sunk into the ground while his eyes drooped in exhaustion from his weary walk from the frontier of Egypt to Carmel.

Half asleep, a faint whisper from Zebadiah tingled his ears as he tried to keep his mind alert and attentive. “I can see there is stress in your eyes, my prince.” A gentle hand from the young man was laid on his shoulder. “I know what you are worrying about, and I’m with you also.”

The comforting words pounded against his heart. Jonathan consumed his assurance, but the apprehension for his father continued to itch him through the night.

***

Jonathan could not eat anything on his way to Gilgal. He quaked in dread the whole time and a cold sweat broke out multiple times. When the army reached to the lush, grassy area of Gilgal, they stayed near the altar there and brought in the animals they plundered. Jonathan held back and stood on a stone in the distance. His father gathered the men to herd the cattle away from the sheep behind them.

At that moment, when he turned his head toward the arid, distant hills, he froze and squinted his eyes in curiosity. Beyond him was a figure staggering to the direction of their army. Once the mysterious figure approached closer, Jonathan paled in horror. It was Samuel the seer.

The man, stiff from age, tottered down the hill with his scruffy, gray beard swaying from the passing breeze. His rod held up his hunching body upward as his vacant, impassive countenance sent a chill down Jonathan’s back. He leaped off of the stone and rushed up to his father in panic. _Oh no! Samuel is here!_ His head throbbed while he bounded and stood before his father eyeing him in concern. He took a moment to breathe. “Samuel-“ He paused and gulped the lump forming in his throat. “Samuel is here.”

Saul, alert, whipped his head toward the frail man approaching the camp. His shoulders straightened and his stance stiffened into his kingly posture. “Come with me.” He nudged his head forward for his son to follow him. Jonathan plodded after him in apprehension. His veins turned into ice, and he went lightheaded. He did not know what to expect, but deep inside a voice whispers him of something unpleasant. When they were not from far from Samuel, his father halted and held out his arm. “Wait here.” He obeyed him and stood there with his nervous gaze trailing after Saul sauntering up to the seer. Jonathan clenched his fists and went stiff.

“Why, Samuel!” Saul let out a bright smile stretching across his face. He opened his arms and chuckled. “May Adonai bless you! It is a pleasure to see my splendid advisor coming to see the wonderful work I have done.” He spread out his arms and expected an embrace from the elder. Samuel stood still and kept his impassive countenance as before. Jonathan wanted to burrow himself into the ground. _Is walking away and going somewhere else an option? This is already too much for me._

After the awkward silence, his father let his arms fall back down. He cleared his throat and strained an unusual stretched smile. “Anyways, I have done _everything_ Adonai has commanded me to do.”

“Oh really?” Samuel leaned forward with his rod dug into the earth. His eyes squinted and the wrinkles on his face formed tight creases. “Then why do I hear the bleating of the sheep and the lowing of the oxen in my ears?” The animals not far from them filled the entire area with their noises.

Saul opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He glanced around and slouched back. “Uh—well—you see, my people… yes my people,” confidence was building in his voice. “They have spared the best of the sheep and cattle to sacrifice before Adonai. But, don’t worry, the rest has been completely destroyed.” His garment swiveled once he shifted his hand from the cloth and held it up on his chest while tipping his head upward.

A cold prick pierced Jonathan. _What is he talking about? He was the one who commanded the people to spare the cattle and the sheep!_ He moaned and covered his forehead with his hand. “Oh Samuel, forgive him…”

The seer stepped forward and struck the ground with his rod. “Enough.” His voice was stern. Samuel drew back as Saul stood erect from his scold. “Let me tell you what Adonai has said to me last night.”

Jonathan leaned forward to listen. While trying to make out Samuel’s rough, solemn words, an abrupt whisper from behind lurched his body. “Hey Jonathan.”

He whipped around and faced his two younger brothers, Malchishua and Abinadab. He groaned in annoyance. This was not the time to be distracted from what is happening between his father and the prophet. “What? Why are you over here?” His voice was sharp and snappy.

The two young lads peered their heads around their elder brother’s body in curiosity. “What’s happening there?” Malchishua stepped aside.

“Are they going to fight? That would be incredible to see!” Abinadab rammed his fist into his palm.

“Excuse me, shouldn’t you be over there with the army?” Jonathan tilt his head toward the men gathered by the animals.

“But the whole army is wondering about our father being alone with Samuel, that’s why we have came to investigate.” Abinadab pointed at the men up front staring at the king and the seer.

He first glared at the men and scolded his younger brother. “Well, this is none of your business to know.”

Malchishua and Abinadab grinned. “Someone’s being grouchy today.” Malchishua pulled himself by his elder brother and smirked.

Jonathan grumbled and crossed his arms. “Stop being silly and leave. You have no right to be nosy of this serious business between our father and the seer.”

“You sound like Mother.” Abinadab snorted in laughter with Malchishua. Jonathan clenched his teeth and dragged out a nettled groan. _Will they ever take anything seriously?_

His brothers joked and teased at everything they see. He never enjoyed being around them, for they nag and bother him like flies buzzing around his head.

“But I did obeyed the voice of Adonai!” His father’s exclaim startled Jonathan when he remembered the conversation Samuel had with Saul.

He turned to his brothers and shoved them away. “Go!”

“Hey, you still have not told us-“

“Malchishua and Abinadab!” He stomped his foot down and thrusted his pointed finger at the army. “Go, now!”

“Fine.” Malchishua slumped down and plodded along with Abinadab grumbling in dissatisfaction. After they had joined the men gazing at this occurrence between the king and the seer, Jonathan spun around in worry of what is happening. He had not been listening to Samuel speaking to his father.

Once he fixed his gaze on the king, Saul held out his hands and leaned close to the old, frail elder narrowing his solemn eyes. “I have captured Agag, the king, and totally destroyed everyone else; and the animals and the spoils which had been kept, the people spared them. Of course, they should have been destroyed too, but they are now given before the altar as a sacrifice unto Adonai.”

Hearing this churned his stomach. _Why is he blaming the people?_ Jonathan hung back when Samuel drew his face into the king with rebuke glossing over his countenance. “Does Adonai delight burnt offerings than His servant obeying His command?” Saul stood still and was breathless. His wide-eyed father held back as Samuel pointed his finger between his eyes. “Obedience is better than sacrifice,” he chastised, “and to heed is greater than the fat of the rams.” Samuel raised his head and lowered his sharp voice into scolding grumbles. “Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is like of wickedness and idolatry.” Jonathan’s heart banged against his chest while Samuel drew back and lifted his rod at his flushing father. “Because you have rejected the voice of Adonai, He has rejected you as king.”

The ball of ice in his stomach tightened in an endless aching of agony. Jonathan gaped as his father, flushed in vivid red from his horror, trembled. His tall posture slouched, and his shoulders slumped in dread. “I… I-I.” He choked on his words. “I have sinned.” Saul stared at the ground. “I know what I have done. I did not follow your instructions nor Adonai’s command, and well,” he let out a shallow sigh, “because I feared the people. I let them do what they desired, and I obeyed their voice instead.”

After hearing this, Jonathan wanted to bang his head on a boulder. _Have I listened to this correctly? He feared the people more than following the command Samuel had ordered to be done accordingly?_

“Please,” his father continued, “I beg you, forgive me and do not turn away. Come back to me so that I may worship Adonai.”

“I will not return to you.” Samuel placed his rod down and glared at the trembling king. “My reprimand is final, you are no longer king over Israel. You have rejected Adonai’s word, and He has rejected you.” As soon Samuel turned to leave, his father rushed after him. Shocked, Jonathan staggered back when his father grabbed the edge of the seer’s upper tunic from leaving him. He tore it and fell forward while holding out the ripped hem of the seer’s tunic. His father laid there and stared at Samuel balking with his watery, pleading eyes. The seer glanced over his shoulder at Saul gritting his teeth in apprehension. “Adonai has torn your kingdom from you today and has given it to someone else who is better than you.”

_To someone else as king?_ Jonathan wondered as the stone crushing him shattered his heart. Seeing the terror and dread filling every inch in his father’s eyes churned his stomach.

Samuel turned away from Saul and stared off into distant hills. He gripped on his rod and held his gaze on the sheep passing through the gap with its shepherd. “He is not a man who lies and changes his mind.”

Saul dragged himself by the foot of the seer. “Samuel…” His voice cracked in desperation. “Return to me, please…” He reached out his hand to grab the hem of his tunic. “I have sinned, I know… But please, come back and honor me before my people so that I may worship Adonai.”

Samuel glowered as he fully turned to Saul letting go of his tunic. The elder glanced at the people in the distance staring at their conversation in great wonder. His gaze met Saul’s once he hunched over to whisper something in his ear. Jonathan could not make out what he was saying, but he stepped forward to watch his father at first lifting his eyes upon the army. He forced a smile and loomed back down to pray. As his father prayed, Samuel approached the people and raised his voice to speak. “Bring me Agag!”

While the men brought in the confident Amalekite king, Jonathan locked his eyes on his father shaking from the apprehension attacking him during his prayer. A lump was caught in his throat.

***

After Agag had been slain by Samuel with the sword he used, he left Gilgal and returned to Ramah, his hometown. The people crowded around Jonathan once he approached the army pale and lightheaded from everything he had seen. He did not answer anybody’s questions and continued to trot to the field where his father stood alone. He worried for his father’s despondent behavior. When he approached the tall, lush grass, he halted to fix his gaze on Saul hanging his head down. A sandstorm rolled in his stomach. “Father…” He tried to sound gentle and comforting. “It seems Samuel, you, and I are the only ones who knows of this, right?”

Saul drew his head up. “Yes…” He took a few steps forward. “It’s our little secret, Jonathan, keep it to yourself.” His garment beneath his coat of mail ruffled to and fro from the midday breeze slipping by. He sighed and closed his eyes. “Someone better than me…” His father’s mumble dragged out a shiver sweeping through Jonathan’s body. Once his father walked away in still silence, a chilling unease between them lurched his heart. From that day forward, a dark shadow loomed over Jonathan and Saul for many years to come.

***

_Four years swept by and a great change pounced upon Saul. Jonathan, horrified, noticed his change of behavior. His father became restless and peevish. There was agony and rage in his countenance, and his moaning and screaming pierced him. He had never seen his father act like this before. The people in the palace figured it was an evil spirit possessing him, so they suggested music to be played to drive out the spirits. When they mentioned music, Jonathan dug through his thoughts with a memory striking him. Years ago he met that little shepherd boy who played the lyre. The voice and the music from the boy tingled his mind; Jonathan knew he was the perfect musician to be brought before his troubled father. The soft rhythm echoing in his ears had haunted him since his first meeting with the shepherd._

_His suggestion of the shepherd boy to be played before Saul was considered. Eventually, Saul agreed on his idea and sent out men to find out more of this boy. The messengers brought back news of him and was ordered to bring the boy who lived in Bethlehem. The same shepherd Jonathan had encountered before had grown a lot in those four years. He looked tougher with his broad limbs, yet he still had his ruddy appearance._

_The lad’s name was David ben Jesse, and he played the lyre whenever Saul was troubled from the evil spirits tormenting him. His songs refreshed the king and later on he favored the young lad._

_At this point, his love turned into envy once David won a great victory for Israel when he defeated the Philistine giant, Goliath, whom Israel cowers down in fear of his great size. The adolescence won the hearts of many people and especially Jonathan’s. Their souls became one and their friendship never ceased. Jonathan admired the lad for the talents he possessed and of the bewitching appearance he couldn’t take his gaze off; he loved him as he loved his own soul._

_Saul, on the other hand, envied the lad who was now an army commander of a thousand. His people sang songs of him nonstop and favored him more than their king. Multiple times he attempted to kill David, but he seems invincible to kill._

_When the haunting of Samuel’s words came upon him, he tried to push away the thought of David being better than him. It did no good to ignore the successful lad, in everything he does he was better than him. Even worse, it was obvious he was the next king of Israel, and Saul could not shake off the disturbing thought tormenting him. If he does not kill the young man, he will kill him to set his house in replacement of his._

_He tried to pin David on the wall two times with his spear to kill him off; he even tried to send the young man to bring back one hundred foreskins from the Philistines, and in return of his mission David shall marry his youngest daughter, Michal._

_David doubled the foreskins he had brought back, and eventually, Saul in great reluctance gave Michal to David in marriage._

_Jonathan continued to love David and treated him as if he was his own brother, but his father’s mindset was of pure hatred and fear. The shadow between them darkened._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Share your thoughts if you would like, but thank you 💕


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